pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
