never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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