So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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