Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I looked at my own cervix.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.