So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
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I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.