Yo dont text me then not text me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup