Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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