Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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