There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!