I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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