discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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