Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
