Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
