Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
