dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think i have two assholes
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
