Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
