Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
im on a boat
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