im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just puked most of my soul out..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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