you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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