like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
