Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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