Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she pinky promised me she was 18
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Randomize
