I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
