Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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