i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
