did you get engaged???
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
