just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.