She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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