I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize