Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
God I need to hump something, right now.
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