There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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