Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
