Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
