So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
