Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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