I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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