2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
