To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's shark week go big or go home
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
