Midget sex pt 2 tonight
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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