i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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