I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
