phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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