My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
