I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
