Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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