Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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