does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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