so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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