what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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