I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
