I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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