we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
