Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
