she was so not down for the gang bang
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Enjoy the penises
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
