i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
