I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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