Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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