I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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