my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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