Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
