So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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