So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
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I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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