and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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