Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
