Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
