Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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