dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
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Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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