I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
