Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
