i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
People in love make me want to vomit
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
