After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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