1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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