You really coming over, don't trick.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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