This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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