I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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