No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
