My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
