Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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