i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
