found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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