You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
