I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
