im holly from the hills drunk
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
