Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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