i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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