Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
