My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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