Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize